A Delhi Experiment

I get sick in cities very easily, especially my home city Delhi, the capital of India. The universally accepted thing about Delhi is that here only money speaks. How people are treated in this city is directly proportional to how much money that they have (or appear to have). The population of Delhi is primarily made up of migrants from other states, and the reason why they migrate to this mad city from the serene village or small town abodes is .. you guessed it - Money.

This materialism has penetrated most aspects of life in the city and can be felt almost constantly all the time. One of the times that I feel it the most, which  is also the major reason that led me to quit my job and let go of the comforts of affluence is the traffic rush hour. The jams, the honking, the frustration and the aggression. A picture completely opposite of how life should be - peaceful, calm and full of love. It's definitely bad for people who drive, it's also the same for people who are driven in cabs or public transport. Just a different kind of bad. Driving would give you high blood pressure and being driven would probably depress you.

Okay enough build up. Lets begin the story. So in a city which is obsessed with money, where people don't talk to strangers and asking for help is seen as weakness, it is possible to travel solely by hitchhiking and walking. I was determined to find out. I had to go from the North end of the city to the far east end, a journey of around 35 km. Normally I would jump on my motorcycle and cover this distance in around 30 minutes or take a city transport bus and would get there in 90 mins after changing buses once. But this time I didn't want to focus on traffic or join the self absorbed silent crowd on the bus, I wanted to look at the city from a different perspective by walking and asking people for help. And I was doing this in the mind numbing evening rush hour.

Here's a breakdown of how things went.

Leg 1 - Backseat of a mid size saloon
As I was walking out of the house my father who was car pooling with a friend of his offered to take me some distance. I jumped the back seat of the car and chatted with his friend who I saw after a long time. The conversation was mostly about one of his eyes which had been giving him trouble lately and he couldn't see very well from it. Now this man has 2 sons who as far as I know don't give much time to him. I realized how lonely he was and just needed someone to talk to. Someone who would sympathize and not judge, someone who could reassure him that everything is going to be alright, someone who could appreciate him for the good things that he has done in his life. I tried doing all of that in the short journey that we had together and when he dropped me on the main road 10 mins later, I felt that I had given some happiness to an old man. I said goodbye to him and my father and started walking.

I walked a bit and occasionally turned around to stick my thumb out and ask for a ride. People looked at me like I was an alien. Nobody does this in Delhi anymore. Half the motorists looked at me with mockery and half with surprise. I always tried to make eye contact with the person I was asking for a ride. Mostly they would look away. It was hard for them to look me in eye when they could not offer help.

Leg 2 - Electric scooter
Finally a man close to retirement age driving a battery powered scooted stopped for me. I sat behind him and we floated on his slow and silent machine. He had recently upgraded from a bicycle to this machine after one of his knees went bad. After the initial general conversation I asked him how he came to live in Delhi. He came from Bihar 40 years ago and worked as a gardener maintaining government owned parks. Surprisingly he was currently working in the park right next to my colony where I usually go for my evening run. He told me about how Delhi has changed over the years (which is something I can take up in another blog post). He spoke of his life journey in the capital city and how he sometimes missed his village but could not go back after he retired in a few years because now he had a made a life for himself in the city and couldn't relate to the village life anymore. His sons were married and still lived with him. Their wives were good and took care of him and his wife. He seemed content with the life he had built for himself and looked forward to his days after retirement. He didn't have much money but had managed to build a house in a low income colony. Not the kind of guy one would consider successful by city standards but I saw that he had a level of contentment that most of the so called successful high profile corporate guys lacked. He dropped me close to his house and invited me for a chai. I declined for this time and continued walking.

He had dropped me close to a Sikh temple next to the highway. Due to my recently acquired spiritual interest and the legacy of being half-sikh I decided to go inside the temple. It was so peaceful inside and I wondered how it was possible in spite of it being right next to the highway. I walked around a bit, re hydrated myself and re energized myself with some Karah prasad (sweet dish made from flour, ghee and lots of sugar). I guess the divine blessing worked because I got another ride as soon as I stepped out on the highway.

Leg 3 - Front seat of a lawyers car

The lawyer who offered to help me told me about his life and his struggle to survive. He belonged to a small town in Bihar and after studying to be an accountant started out as an employee of the World Bank, then quit to get a job with the Government of India, failed to clear the entrance examination 4 times (out of which he made it to the interview thrice), then got severely depressed for 5 years. He left everything and went into isolation, he refused to go on anti-depressants and fought it out. He learnt Sanskrit and started reading the Bhagavad Gita, known as the greatest spiritual book of all time and that helped him overcome his depression and gave him the strength to go back and make it in the world. After this he decided to pursue law and studied to become a lawyer. Now he is an impaneled lawyer in the Supreme court of India. He spoke of ancient Indian wisdom about money and quoted Sanskrit verses from Arthshastra, a book written in 300 BC by famous Indian scholar and politician Chanakya. By the time I got off the car I had covered almost half the total distance of my journey and was quite inspired by this guys life story and ideas. I made a mental note to read the Bhagvadgita and Arthashastra and started walking again.


Leg 4 - Radio Taxi driver

I ask him why he helped me considering that he was in the business of transportation. Why take a passenger for free? He said - "God has made me like this. If someone asks for help, I can't refuse." Then I heard another life story with it's ups and downs. He was a bus driver who lost his job after Delhi Government banned Diesel buses from plying in the city. His boss had just bought a new bus and couldn't afford to upgrade to CNG fuel so he had to shut the company. After that he found another job in a private bus company which shut down in a few years after Delhi Government decided to ban private buses of certain colors altogether. At that point he lost all faith in buses and bought a taxi instead and now he was happy being his own boss. He dropped me on the Yamuna.

I walked a bit to reach the riverfront. I decided to not worry about getting a ride for a while and enjoy the scenery of Delhi's own river, one which we have polluted intensely and immensely. But it's still beautiful. I saw herons playing around the water, green fields on both sides or the river and people residing in small settlements. I observed the life around the river and made a note of visiting these settlements at some point. I realized that we see only a very small portion of Delhi which is along the main roads and that also we usually pass with zero awareness because we always pass the same routes in the same mode of transport back and forth everyday. The mind gets used to this and stops seeing new things. I've been in Delhi all my life but suspect that I must have experienced less than 10% of the places in the city. What an interesting realization. This could be another project for later. Now I was getting tired of the walking and the traffic was at it's peak. The pollution in the air wasn't exactly helping my lungs either. I walked and walked, no one seemed to have the patience to stop for me at this mad hour. A nice middle aged man on a scooter stopped just to tell me that he can't help me as he didn't have a spare helmet for me. But after a long walk I found another lift.

Leg 5 - The rider of an Enfield Bullet motorcycle

He let me sit on the pillion seat first and then asked me "What will you do if a cop catches us because you don't have a helmet". I said I'll pray that it doesn't happen. He laughed. We got talking about motorcycles in general and Enfield Bullets in particular. I was able to guess the model of his bike correctly, a mid 2000s Electra. I told him about my motorcycle adventures and the fact that I also owned a machine of the same company but a different model. He asked me if I wanted to sell it. Now I'm not working in a job right now and have almost completely finished my money, so I had been thinking about selling one of the motorcycles that I own. This was almost god sent, I said yes I would be interested in doing so. When he dropped me, we exchanged phone numbers.

And I walked again. I had reached close. I was only 7-8 km from my destination, a distance which was walkable. But soon I found another ride.

Leg 6 - A corporate cab driver

As I sat in the front seat of his AC taxi, I could smell the corporate air. I've worked in the corporate sector for 7 years and traveled in many office cabs. Also there is a certain character of corporate cab drivers which I can catch but can't put a finger on it. Maybe it's the fact that they hang around with a much cooler English speaking gang of people or maybe it's the long duty hours, no holidays and constant lack of sleep. He spoke to me about the dark life of a corporate cab driver. His words had an air of pride and sadness combined. He carried me some more distance and after he dropped me I was only 4-5 km away from the destination.

And I walked some more.

Leg 7 - An aspiring entrepreneur and business student

Young, motivated and pleasant natured. He gave me a ride on the back seat of his motorcycle. He was running his fathers business and pursuing an MBA course simultaneously. He was a good rider, I complimented him. He asked me if I were doing it because he had helped me. We both laughed. This guy was more interested in knowing about my life than talking about his. I told him about my travels in the last year and my project for today . He was happy to listen and I was happy to talk after listening to everyone for the last few hours. He dropped me right next to my destination. Noted the address of my blog and said goodbye.

Yipee! I had made it. I traveled from one corner of the city to another without spending a single rupee and having some interesting insights on the city and it's people. Delhi is not that bad after all. Behind the madness and the materialism there are some beautiful places and people. It is a city of struggle and people have learnt to be tough on the outside but once that shell is penetrated, everyone has a story that is worth hearing.

Being Human

The other day while I was practicing my morning meditation I just couldn't focus. Something was not right today. I felt like I was being poked by a sharp needle constantly. My consciousness was trying to tell me something that I couldn't understand. It was 5:30 am and everyone in the house was still sleeping. The light had just begun to shine outside. I closed my eyes and tried to focus one more time. I tried to listen very hard to this incoming message. I don't know how much time passed. I was brought back by a a tear trickling down my cheek (my beard actually in this case). I opened my eyes. I had understood. It was a message from my real mother, the one I reconnected with recently, the one I had forgotten for a long time, but she never ceased to care for, love and nurture me. I'm not talking about my biological mother, I'm not even talking about a person. I'm talking about the biggest mother of all, the mother of every creature on this planet, I'm talking about mother earth. It was a message from her and now I had heard it loud and clear. The time had come to give up all the substances which were numbing my mind and keeping me away from my real feelings which are my connection to the cosmos. I opened my waist bag and took out half a packet of weed, a pack of rolling papers, some cigarettes, a bundle of bidis and a gram of Ketamine. I put all these things in a little red pouch that I used to store hash during my travels. Then I hunted around for a digging tool and found it. I collected these things and started walking out of the house. As I was going out my biological mother who had woken up, came out of her room and asked me where I was going. I just looked in her eyes for a moment and turned away to continue walking out. She didn't stop me or say anything more. I think she somehow understood.

I walked slowly and with determination. I was a little scared, a bit unsure. I knew it would be tough but it had to be done. The time had come, the big mamma had spoken and her message couldn't be ignored. It felt like I was being automatically directed to the place where this sacrifice was to be made. 20 minutes later I was in a wooded area of a huge park. No one was in sight. Perfect. I sat down and started digging a hole. Then I took out all the substances out of their packs and placed them in the hole. And then I started filling the hole. There went the excellent weed that I was a gift from my estranged uncle, there goes the Ketamine that I recently procured with much difficulty, then the rolling papers started disappearing under the soil and finally the gift from an ex-love , the little red pouch which was used to store many drugs in it's lifetime. After I flattened the hole down I sat there for a while and prayed to mother earth to give me the strength to never go back to these things again. I even cried a bit, which usually means that this was really coming from the heart. And suddenly I felt liberated. I walked silently back to the house, full of resolve. I was looking forward to this new phase in my life. At this time I didn't realize the extent of this resolve or the difficulties that lay ahead. The next 4 days were horrible. I had given up everything at one go and wasn't easy. No tobacco, no marijuana and no chemicals. I was cranky, volatile and extremely emotional. I would react to small things very strongly. Sometimes I got so angry and couldn't comprehend what was happening to me. I cried often. My angry outbursts were followed by apologizing for my anger. I told everyone at home why this was happening to me. Luckily everyone was very supportive and gave me the space to go through all the negative emotions associated with withdrawal. I couldn't focus well, I had trouble sleeping, my stomach was acting weird, my body had no energy and spirits were down. I slept a lot, made sure I did Pranayam every morning and meditated when I felt I was breaking down. I kept myself occupied with positive and constructive things. I also found support in friends who had also turned sober in the past. After 4 days the hardest part was over. I felt better, stronger, more clear headed, focused and happier. I found it easier to connect with people and my fears had subsided. I was able to control my mind much better, I was breathing easier. I felt lighter, healthier and more energetic. I felt free. I wondered who and why I started to consume these substances in the first place and realized that the biggest reasons were peer pressure and emotional troubles. I remembered that school trip when I had my first beer. I hated the taste that time but still drank for the fear of being labelled as a sissy. I remembered the heartbreak that made me try marijuana for the first time. I was now aware of the escape tendencies that led me to try chemicals. Every new drug that I had tried was always preceded by a major breakdown in my life. How could I not see this before? Had I been sleeping? Had my awareness gone for a long holiday? How could I believe that these things were making me feel good? Well better late than never I guess.

Now I realize how drugs work. Drugs release chemicals in your body, which boost or reduce levels of certain hormones. These chemicals can also activate or inhibit certain areas of the brain. For a time they make you feel good, the chemicals in them give your body and mind a boost and it feels great. But the human body is very smart and extremely adaptive. It changes to bring things back to normal so it starts readjusting the hormones and body chemicals to accommodate the extra that it's getting from the drugs. So after a while the same dose of a drug only manages to make you feel normal. That explains why you can't get the same high feeling with a drug after a while. You need to have more to get the same 'high' feeling. So the dosage just keeps increasing. You always keep chasing the high, but it always keeps going further and further. But not you can't stop because the lack of it puts the body in a deficit or an imbalance and you feel like shit.

Another thing I realize now about the nice, beautiful high feeling is it's not the drugs that give you those feelings, they are only triggers. It's your brain which is making you feel these things and it is possible to achieve similar states without the substances through other natural ways like meditation, physical activity, breathing techniques etc. The feeling is in the mind, not the drug and when this high is experienced without them it's even better because you can experience it in full consciousness. This is a powerful realization. Now I question everything that I considered normal and harmless, like an occasional drink. I don't need alcohol to feel confident and to 'get in the mood'. I just need to conquer my inhibitions on a basic level, to remove obstacles from my own psyche and I can feel the same without it. Same for marijuana. So there goes alcohol out of the window, much to the disappointment of many of my friends. How about caffeine? Was I less energetic when I didn't drink tea and coffee as a kid? No! In fact I had more energy, so now why do I need a coffee or chai to recharge? It's only that my body is so used to it that I can't feel normal energy levels without the caffeine boost. I think caffeine is also on it's way out soon. After that it will probably be sugar. After that maybe I'll give up meat, animal products, god knows what. All in good time.Everything we need is given to us by nature. We don't need anything that is made in a factory. I wanna see how deep this rabbit hole goes.

I know I have to make many changes with this new awareness. Most of my friends will change. I may not be part of many parties or club events. I might be laughed at and even be labelled as boring. But I don't care about that anymore. Enough have I lived for playing to an image, now I cannot ignore the knowledge and consciousness rising inside. All that I need has been given to me by mother earth. I love you mamma, thanks for putting me on this path of becoming human again.